Courage
by HopefulNebula
Summary: Somebody special steals Phlox's heart. Not shippage. Not even romance. I'm still not fully happy with the end of this, so I may revise.


Title: Courage

Author: HopefulNebula (HopefulNebula@hotmail.com)

Rating: PG-ish.  Let me know if you think it should be higher.

Summary: Somebody special steals Phlox's heart… Not shippage.  Not even romance.

Disclaimer: I don't own, but that you knew / Just having fun, so please don't sue.

Feedback: YES, PLEASE!  All flames, however, will be cheerfully returned to the sender.  If you're going to throw things at me, throw chocolate. 

Visit www.terranbbs.com!  I'm LyraSilvertongue there.

Notes: Thanks to my good buddy George for coming up with Ilara's name. :p

~~~~~

*statements in Denobulan*

~~~~~

            "Captain, a small vessel has just dropped out of warp in front of us.  Their systems appear to be overloading.  There are two biosigns aboard."

            "How long have they got?" Captain Archer asked his impassive science officer.

            "The ship will explode in approximately two minutes."

            "Hoshi, hail them!"

            She did, and a moment later, the aliens' smoke-filled control center came into view.  It was tiny; just big enough for two people.  The one currently in the cabin spoke quickly and anxiously.  She was short, very thin and pale, with almost white hair.  She would look human if it wasn't for the small ridges protruding down the sides of her face and arms.

            "My scans show you have transporter technology.  Bring me aboard your vessel immediately!  Please…" she begged, obviously in pain.

            "We scanned two biosigns aboard your vessel.  What about the other one?"

            "Yes… take me and we will both be safe.  Hurr—" There was an explosion on the alien ship and the communication was cut off.

            "Malcolm?  Do it.  Quickly!"  he barked.  "Hoshi, call the Doctor and tell him to meet me in the transporter room."

            Both of his orders were met with replies of "yes, sir," but the captain wasn't around to hear it.  He had already stepped into the transporter room.

~~~~~

            Archer and Phlox met in the corridor outside the transporter room.  Without needing to speak to each other, they entered, unsure of what they would find inside.

            One look at the alien woman showed the source of the second lifesign: she was in the extremely late stages of pregnancy.  She looked at the captain and doctor and whispered, "Help… I started labor when Naussicans attacked us… too early… my husband didn't survive."

            "You are suffering from severe smoke inhalation compounded by chronic respiratory problems, as well as some minor cuts, bruises and burns.  Both you and your baby will be fine with proper care,"  Phlox stated as he injected her with tri-ox.  Her breathing came more easily after that.

            "Thank you."

            Phlox spent the next few minutes continuing his scans.  His expression was entirely businesslike as he analyzed his readings.  Archer kept Matia distracted by asking questions.  He learned that her species was called the Luria, and that they were powerful telepaths.  They spoke for a while before Phlox interrupted.

            "Matia, it appears that the stress of the transport has hastened your labor.  We must take you to Sickbay immediately."

            Both men helped her to her feet, then supported her through the corridors.  They walked in silence punctuated by occasional cries of pain caused by Matia's contractions.  When they occurred, Archer made sure to note the time on the pocket watch he had taken to carrying with him.  The contractions were less than two minutes apart as they entered Sickbay and set Matia down on the nearest biobed.

            The labor progressed very quickly.  Matia remained silent except for her contractions as Phlox assisted her.  Captain Archer called T'Pol to apprise her of the situation, then paced uselessly.  He had been there when his sister had been born, but at the moment, he couldn't remember anything useful about the experience.  Suddenly, Matia screamed more loudly than she had before.  Phlox told her to keep pushing.  Archer stole a glance at the scene; the baby was crowning.  Only a few minutes later, he heard a crying sound.

            "It's a girl!  You have a baby daughter!" said a jubilant Phlox.  Matia was elated as she weakly watched the doctor clean her baby off.  But something felt inexplicably wrong about the situation.

            "Call her… Ilara…" she whispered as she lost consciousness.  An alarm beeped over her bed, and both doctor and captain rushed to the woman.

            "Get me 20 CC's anvaline, Captain!" As Archer rushed to load the hypospray, Phlox explained, "One of the baby's leg ridges ruptured her birth canal, and she's bleeding internally.  This should stop the bleeding," he said as he injected her.

            But it didn't.  Instead, a moment after the injection, another alarm sounded.

            "She's going into cardiac arrest!  She's reacting to the anvaline," said the worried doctor.  He wasn't panicked; panicking would do no good in this situation and he needed to think clearly.  Phlox picked up the cardiostimulator and placed it on her chest.  He set the appropriate charge and activated it.  But it had no effect.  He increased the power; again it did nothing.  She was dead.  The doctor had nothing to do now except cover her corpse, which he did sadly.

            "I'd… better go back to the bridge.  I'll have Travis set a course for Matia's homeworld…"  Captain Archer hurried out.

            Phlox closed his eyes in sadness and remorse, but these feelings subsided as he remembered the baby girl he had hastily placed in the incubator he had set out for her.  He sidled over to Ilara and picked her up.  Suddenly, he felt a rush of familiarity, of hope, of _love, and knew that everything would be all right.  Everything would have to be all right._

~~~~~

            "T'Pol, Hoshi…" Archer said as he entered the bridge.  Both women followed him, awaiting instructions.  Once they were all settled, he continued.  "I'm afraid that Matia didn't survive childbirth.  Her daughter survived, however.  Matia requested that she be called Ilara.  T'Pol, where is the Luria homeworld?"

            "It is approximately three light-years from our present location."

            "Then have Travis set a course.  And is there anything of note I should know about the Luria?"

            "They are powerful telepaths whose lifespan is approximately twenty Earth years.  Technologically, they are at roughly the same level as humans." Upon considering for a moment, and thinking of Ilara, she added,  "They are fiercely protective of their children."

            "Thank you.  Hoshi, can you send them a transmission, try to find Matia's family?"

            "I think so."

            "Good.  Both of you get on it, then.  I have to compose the letter we'll have to send them."

~~~~~

            Phlox had spent the last three hours with Ilara, cuddling her, rocking her, comforting her.  He had not broken physical contact with her since the death of Matia.  There was something soothing about holding an infant, he decided, and he enjoyed the sensation immensely.  Suddenly, she stirred and began crying.

            *What's the matter, baby girl?* he cooed in Denobulan.  An intense hunger pang struck him, even though he knew he wouldn't have to eat for at least another two hours.  Then he realized that Ilara must be telepathically reaching to him, telling him what she needed.  *Ssh-ssh-ssh-ssh-ssh.  I'll get you something to eat,* he said as he moved to the replicator and quickly but carefully synthesized the correct formula for her nutritional requirements.  He placed the bottle's nipple by her mouth, and she began suckling greedily.  *Slow down there, Ilara,* he whispered.  *Don't drink it all at once, now…*

            The doors to Sickbay hissed open after a few moments, and Hoshi Sato walked in.  "Oh, is that Ilara?  She's _gorgeous…" she breathed._

            "Isn't she?" smiled Phlox.

            "Can I…?" she motioned as if to stroke one of her tiny feet.

            "Certainly."

            Ilara recoiled for a moment upon feeling the ensign's finger on her foot, but then decided she liked the sensation and resumed her meal.

            "She's a sweetie, all right.  The captain wants you to know that we'll reach the Luria homeworld in two days," Hoshi told Phlox, whose mind was obviously focused on the baby girl.

            "OK.  Thanks," he absentmindedly replied.  Ilara then refused to take the rest of her formula, whimpering softly.  Phlox felt a slight pain in his belly and moved her so he could burp her.

            "You might want to put something over your shoulder," Hoshi recommended.  "In case she spits up.  Try an old cloth, or a diaper."

            "Thank you, Ensign," he replied.  As she left, he followed her advice.  After a short time, Ilara burped slightly and started fussing again.  Phlox had the distinct impression that the baby wanted to be rocked, so he held her gently and swayed, humming the same soft lullaby his own mother had used to soothe him to sleep so many years ago, until she yawned and fell asleep in his arms.

~~~~~

            It was several hours later that the doctor finally let the tiny newborn out of his grasp, and then only because he needed to sleep.  Lieutenant Olivia Cameron would take over Sickbay duty, including taking care of Ilara, during gamma shift.

            "Thank you, Doctor," she said as Phlox handed her the baby.  She immediately started stroking Ilara's forehead gently.  As the doctor left, however, the infant started wailing inconsolably.  Phlox heard this from across Sickbay and returned.

            "Do you need any help, Olivia?" he asked.

            "That sounds like a 'scared' cry… Don't worry, baby Ilara.  I won't hurt you…"  Her pleas were lost to the infant's screams.

            "Hand her to me," Phlox ordered.  Cameron complied, and Ilara immediately stopped crying.  The doctor thought for a second that the baby had smiled, but then dismissed the idea.  "Hmm.  That's odd…  Are you wearing anything that would press against her or hurt her in any way?"

            "Well, there are my zippers," she said as she looked down at herself.  She loved babies, and was generally good around them.  She had raised two of them herself, in fact, and was completely unaware as to the cause of Ilara's agitation.

            "But those are covered, Lieutenant.  I doubt those would cause enough discomfort for her to scream like that."

            "Maybe she's just afraid of me."

            "Perhaps so,"  Phlox said as he placed Ilara in the incubator.  "Give her some time in here, and she'll probably adjust.  If she doesn't, we'll work something out.  Good night for the second time, Lieutenant."

            "'Night, Doctor."

            As he left, Ilara began screaming again.  He turned back to see what was causing her to cry, but Cameron was nowhere near the baby.  She turned, however, and mouthed the words "Go on."  He did so, hoping that things would quiet down.

            They did not.  As he made the first turn away from Sickbay, he felt as if he was being torn in half, as if he had left a vital organ in his office.  Almost unconsciously, he turned back, running toward Ilara.

            As he entered Sickbay, he found the baby crying even more loudly than she had done before, with the frazzled lieutenant frantically attempting to calm her.  Again, as he approached the incubator, Ilara stopped crying, and Phlox's pain ended.  Cameron thought she could feel their relief; it was as strong as if Phlox were Ilara's father.

            "I think it would be best if I spent the night here," the doctor stated with no further explanation.  "You may have the night off, Lieutenant."

            "Thank you, Doctor.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry…" she muttered as she nearly ran out of Sickbay.

            Phlox chuckled quietly.  Human embarrassment was something he felt he would never understand.

~~~~~

            For the next two days, Phlox barely left Sickbay, and only then to eat.  He carried Ilara everywhere with him, only setting her down when she slept.  He found that Earth classical music soothed her to sleep, especially Pachelbel's Canon in D.  He occupied himself by caring for the baby in order to forget that in an excruciatingly short time, he would have to permanently let her go.  

~~~~~

            "I'm afraid we cannot take care of the baby," stated Matia's mother, a formidable woman named Laena.  She was a pediatrician and mother of five, and was the captain's first choice as an adoptive mother.  Nearly every one of Matia's features was also present in Laena; their resemblance to each other was striking.

            "That is understandable," said Captain Archer.  "It takes a remarkable amount of time and energy to raise a child, and not everybody has those.  We will contact some of Matia's other relatives."

            "You shouldn't do that," she responded.  "Who has taken care of Ilara?"

            "Our doctor, Phlox."

            "Then I should speak with him as soon as possible."

            Archer was puzzled, but he did a wonderful job of hiding it as he agreed with Laena, signed off, and summoned Phlox.

~~~~~

            Once he received the captain's transmission, Phlox knew why Archer wanted to speak with him.  They had found adoptive parents for Ilara.

            *Oh, Precious,* he crooned softly into the baby's ear, *I don't want to leave you…*

            He slowly carried her through the corridors, squeezing her tiny body to his own, only loosening his grip when she cried in pain.

~~~~~

            "When a Luria infant is born, she bonds herself to both parents in the two hours immediately following birth," Laena explained to Phlox.  "The most notable effects of this bond are inability to leave the infant unless the other parent is nearby and rudimentary communication between infant and parent.  It is too late to reverse the bond; Ilara has chosen you by now."

            "I have been unable to leave her," the doctor conceded, "and I seem to know exactly what she wants."

            "Then she has, in fact, bonded herself to you.  This is irreversible; you must take care of her.  I am sending more information on the bonding process and its effects—" Though the formidable Laena continued talking, Phlox was too busy trying not to let his excitement show to listen to a word of it.  Once the channel was closed, he picked up Ilara's carrier and beamed at his new baby daughter.  The captain would take care of the details.  They would work themselves out, now that he had Ilara.

~~~~~

            Ilara grew exceptionally quickly.  Within six Earth months, she was a curious, smart, energetic toddler who was now able to go farther away from Phlox, though he always knew of her location.  This was a normal part of the telepathic bond between Luria parent and child; it served to allow independence and exploration while still ensuring the toddler's safety.  They loved each other immensely, and it showed.

            One day in Sickbay, Phlox was patching up various abrasions and fractures sustained by the crew during an ion storm.  Hoshi Sato had broken her left wrist, and Phlox was setting the fracture when he felt a tugging on his uniform.  Ilara was at his side, being cooed at by a pair of ensigns.  It was evident to Phlox that the attention from strangers immediately after the storm scared her, so he stroked Ilara's pale hair and mentally comforted her as he continued tending to his patients.  This cursory attention, however, was not enough for the insistent toddler, who stamped her foot against the bulkhead and nearly shouted one word:

            "Daki!"

            Both the doctor and the translator beamed at Ilara's utterance, but the six other patients in Sickbay were obviously confused.  Hoshi was able to explain to the others, because Phlox was busy holding his daughter and praising her on her intelligence

            "'Daki' means 'Daddy' in Denobulan.  That was her first word!"

            Everybody's injuries were forgotten as the patients sighed collectively.

~~~~~

            The next several months were full of discovery and learning, both for Phlox and his rapidly growing daughter.  They could almost be at opposite ends of the ship without feeling pain.  Ilara tested the bond's limits daily, and though the doctor knew that this was normal and important behavior, one thing distressed him:  She could go so far now as to be able to hide from Phlox.  His fears upon realizing his daughter was missing were easily assuaged, however, because he could still sense her presence and find her quickly.  He would make a production of it some of the time; pretending to have lost her, then not-so-stealthily sneaking up on her hiding place and jumping out to tickle her.  Occasionally, when they were in their quarters and the doors were locked, he would hide in a conspicuous place and watch Ilara find him.  Phlox delighted in her joyful squeals of discovery.  Ilara was speaking more and more English and Denobulan each day, and Hoshi had begun to teach her some of the Lurian language as well.  She loved to learn, and there was always a wealth of new information on Enterprise.

             She could not stay in Sickbay during the day anymore; she was too disruptive, and it was a dangerous place for a child now resembling a Terran six-year-old in size and demeanor.  Instead, Ilara spent her father's shifts being taken care of by whoever had time off.  She loved going to Hydroponics and sniffing at the flowers.  She always enjoyed meeting Captain Archer, who always seemed to have Porthos around for her to pet and play with.  Ilara was a bit apprehensive at first about being licked and slobbered on by this strange animal, but she had grown affectionate of him.  Once, after Porthos had given her a big wet doggie kiss, Ilara had turned to the dog and licked him back.

            Yes, life was good for both father and daughter, and both were confident that no matter what happened, they would last.

~~~~~

            *Daddy, I thought you said you were taking today off!* Ilara petulantly whined at her father.  She now looked and acted like a rebellious preteen who pretended to hate being called "the most beautiful girl in the world" by her father.  She was somewhat taller than Matia, but she had the same hair and complexion.  Light hair was a dominant trait among Lurians.

            *I wasn't.  And I won't be working all day.  I just need to get the captain in for his bimonthly physical exam.  You know how much he hates those.  He's been avoiding me for the past two weeks,* the doctor patiently replied.  *It shouldn't take much longer than an hour if I can get him into Sickbay.*  Phlox pondered for a moment, and then added, *Why not help me with that?  We'll have more time to celebrate…*

            Ilara found this proposal acceptable after a moment of consideration.  *All right.  It's time for the alpha shift to be eating breakfast.  We should begin our search in the mess hall.*

            *Well, let's go, then, girl baby.* Phlox grinned, knowing his daughter's inevitable reaction to this nickname:

            *DAD!*

            Their quarters were not far from the Mess Hall; they only walked for about three or four minutes.  The corridors were strangely empty on the way there, but Ilara didn't notice; Phlox kept her busy quizzing her on her studies.  They had just gotten to discussing the number of chambers in a Klingon heart when the entered the mess hall… and at least fifty crewmembers sprung from their respective hiding places and shouted "Surprise!"

            There was a banner draped against one wall that read "Happy Second Birthday, Ilara!"  Chef had prepared generous helpings of all her favorite foods: _ecerwal, a Denobulan delicacy; macaroni and cheese; pecan pie (which Commander Tucker had introduced to Ilara at a very young age); fruit salad; hot chocolate; various dishes of Chinese food; and a host of other favorites.  There was a pile of presents, neatly stacked, at one end of the room._

            Once she recovered from the surprise, Ilara started laughing in delight.  "Who did this?"

            "We all did," replied Captain Archer, who had somehow managed to gain a spot at the front of the crowd.  "It took us nearly three months.  And of course we had to keep you distracted… it was tough.  But you deserve it.  You're like the baby cousin of everybody here."

            Ilara strode up to the captain and pulled him into an emphatic yet cursory hug before running to her stack of gifts.  She ripped the first wrapper open, tossing it aside to reveal a small crystal necklace.

            "Oh—" she started.  It was nearly impossible for Ilara to speak, but what Phlox felt through their link was more than sufficient to convey her gratitude to her father.

            "My mother used to wear that, and her mother before," the doctor explained.  "Ilara, do you want help fastening it?"

            She didn't speak.  She didn't need to.  Phlox silently walked to his daughter and fastened the clasp around her neck.  He lightly kissed her cheek, and Ilara spent the rest of the party beside her father.

~~~~~

            They carried that memory for ten more years, through the end of Enterprise's mission.  Phlox had never been short of work during that time.  Each crewmember had been seriously injured at least once during the ship's tour, and sadly, thirteen of them had died.  Phlox had taken another post at the Interspecies Medical Exchange, and Ilara had continued her medical training.  She quickly became one of the best physicians in the system and traveled everywhere teaching seminars.

Her doting father always knew just where she was and whether she was safe and happy.  If Ilara was to leave soon, he would sneak into her apartment and place a gift in her luggage.  She always pretended to not see the lump in her bags until en route to the conference.  This time, she was going to Vulcan for a symposium on the treatment of gastrointestinal disorders.  Phlox's gift to Ilara for this excursion was a tiny snow globe with a picture of Earth inside it.

~~~~~

            It was dinnertime, one week after Ilara's departure to Vulcan.  Phlox was deliberating over whether to walk down the street for Chinese food or cook for himself.  He had almost decided that egg drop soup would be delightful when he felt something in Ilara's section of his mind.  There was intense fear accompanied by extreme burning pain.  Then, suddenly, there was nothing.

            Phlox shut the door; he would be unable to eat tonight.

~~~~~

            "Doctor Phlox?" the Vulcan at the door inquired early the next morning.  The sun shone through Phlox's large windows.  The Canon in D played softly from another room.

            "Yes."

            "I regret to inform you that your—" He was cut off by the grieving doctor.

            "I know," Phlox somewhat brusquely replied.  "I know."

            Rather stunned by the interruption, the officer responded, "I will route information relevant to the investigation to your quarters. Good day."

            Phlox was never sure if the officer had heard his whispered "Thank you."

~~~~~

            The door chime was ringing again.  And again.  Phlox hadn't heard it the first several times and so only reached the door as his guest was turning to leave.

            "Elizabeth!  How are you this morning?"

            "All right.  I just now found out about Ilara.  I'm so sorry.  If I'd known before the funeral, I'd have gone. And of course, it took me a week to get here from New Zealand anyway, so I couldn't have gone… I mean…"

            "There wasn't a funeral.  Traditionally, Denobulans grieve alone," he replied.

            "Is there anything I can do to help?  Can I bring you food or something?" Elizabeth Cutler asked her friend.  She hated to see him in so much pain.  The last time she had seen him in his current state was twelve years ago, when he had thought he must give up Ilara.

            "No, thanks.  My colleagues at the I.M.E. have been taking care of me very well.  I have so much food now that I don't know what to do with it."

            "You can always send it to me.  My husband eats everything in sight, and if he doesn't, then the dog will."  After an uncomfortable beat, she changed the subject.  "It's really hard, losing someone you love.  I was twenty when both my parents died, and it took me three years to come to terms with the fact that they really weren't coming back."  Immediately she winced.  "I shouldn't have said that.  I'm sorry."

Phlox didn't seem to notice, however.  "It was the Nausicaans.  They killed her mother, and they killed her.  Part of me knows that death happens.  It's the natural conclusion to life.  I have seen death before.  I am a doctor.  I deal with death every day.  It just feels so… different now that it's my baby Ilara.  I feel like I used to when she was a baby and I went too far away from her.  But she's not coming back.  She's never coming back."

Cutler was stunned by the power of this father's grief.  She felt powerless, but she did have a gift for him.  "Phlox?" she asked.  When he looked up, she continued.  "There's another reason I'm here.  Even if Ilara hadn't been… Even if there wasn't any other reason, I'd have come here anyway." Another silent moment passed before either spoke again.  "I'm pregnant.  I'm having a baby girl who's due in April."

Phlox was obviously affected by this.  It was unfair to him that as he lost a daughter, one of his best friends would gain one.  Cutler's next words touched him even more, however.

"Phlox, if it's okay with you… and Mark and I wanted to check with you before making any decisions… could we name her Ilara?  You told me once that it means—"

"'Courage' in Denobulan.  Yes, it does.  And yes, you may.  I guess that's how it should be.  Life goes on," Phlox decided.

"Thank you, Phlox.  For everything."

"No… Thanks, Elizabeth.  There will always be courage in the universe."

~~~~~

            END

~~~~~

            Endnotes: Wow!  I can't believe I just wrote all that!  ::does a word count:: 4,179 words and eight full pages, not including the disclaimer.  I had this idea two or so months ago.  It started as a shippy T/T.  As Lillian Hellman once said: "Nothing you write, if you hope it to be any good, will ever come out as you had first hoped."  Oh—there's an allusion to the play Steel Magnolias in here.  Points to whoever finds it first.

            Please leave at least one review.  I adore criticism, but flaming starts wildfires, which are bad things.  I like knowing people have read my stories, though.

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